Shattered Dreams

Christian Larson helped me set up a meeting with Shawna Jordan, an athletic trainer and head of the human ecology department. I walked into the meeting thinking I was going to get guidance on how to get Coach Frtiz and Nobu to communicate better which would allow for a healthier me and more success down the road. I left with the most honesty I have ever gotten from a person about my injury situation.

Shawna told me that every protocol that has been followed for my foot has been basically wrong and unethical. The surgery should have occurred within 48 hours of the accident and at the longest 10 days. Because Dr. Palmagren and Nobu allowed me to compete at Big 12s this caused deterioration in the joint. Also Nobu scrapping the area where the screw was caused the calcification of the bone to decrease and the screw to push its way out. Shawna also informed me that because I am going to have to get the screw out my chance to have stress fractures later on increases significantly. Shawna also noticed that I wasn't taught how to properly walk again so I'm having ton so lateral pain as well. It was evident to her that I am most likely going to have to have the surgery redone and she told me to see Dr. Hinkin instead and have him do the next procedure.

At the end of the conversation I asked what the possibility of me making it through the season was without significant pain or reinjury. When she paused and didn't speak for a few minutes I knew the answer wasn't going to be what I wanted to hear. She then proceeded to go into the talk about my future and whether or not I want to be able to play with my kids or demonstrate a drill when coaching etc. She told me that she doesn't know if I will be able to make it to Big 12s and that this will be my last year competing.

I never wanted my career to end because of an injury. I wanted to end it on my own terms. I don't know if the reality of the situation has set in but I do know that when it does it's going to hit me hard. I talked with Paul and Wendy last night and couldn't help but cry and feel so weak and heart broken. The worst part about the whole situation is I can't tell many people, and the people I do tell are all told in confidence; so I can get wise counsel from them. It is going to be hard to do this and make these tough decisions on if I should stop training now or just wait until my body breaks down again. I know that I want to compete at Big 12s, I know I have the abilities and talents, but I also know I have to think about the future and be realistic.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.