This Sucks

I feel like hope has been replaced with Fear, Fury, Fatigue and few other F words I'd like to use. I'm sick of people telling me to stay strong or that I have a lot courage to keep trying to come back or that God has a plan for me through this...etc...I don't need to hear "keep it up" or "keep your chin up" or "you can do it" anymore. I think my doctor appointment on Tuesday gave me the simple knowledge of reality that helped me realize that This Sucks more than I every thought it could. I am truly starting to see the reality of the situation and understanding it's not going to be as easy as last time.

So today on Thanksgiving I'm not only giving Thanks like every other person in the US, I'm gearing up with a face of determination to have something worth giving thanks for.