Monday, November 15, 2010

Reality of the Storm

"Thanks In The Storm" was the title of the sermon at church this past Sunday. It had four main points and all of them hit me like a brick wall.
1) Our thankfulness doesn't depend on the circumstance.
2)We are receiving a kingdom that can't be shaken.
3) Our thanks equals
4) Our thanks gives

As I sat and listen to the story of Paul and 276 other men pursue a storm and surge through it and give thanks for God's provision. All I could think about was all the storms I have survived and the current storm I'm going through with my shoulder/track.
Reality finally hit me in the middle of the sermon. Then even harder during two songs of worship. The first being "Beautiful Lord" by Leeland, tears came and all I could think about was the words and how God will never forsake me and how His Mercy has set me FREE. The second song was one that I usually don't care for but the words "It Is Well With My Soul" tore my heart apart. I realized I had been putting up a front and acting like I was ok with the situation but in my heart it tears me up daily and I have avoided dealing with the whole situation.
I realized today that I'm afraid of the unknown, I'm afraid of what comes next, and I'm afraid of not being able to make that epic comeback. What do I do, who will I be, and what will people think if God takes me down a path I'm not ok with. Do I be obedient or do I take the safe route and go my own way and try to make it work? How will I function without track? I know track isn't my identity, it's not who I am, but it is what I do and is my passion.
I have found myself lately asking myself why, why would God strip me of my passion/worship. I just can't wrap my mind around it. I just wish I could have some answers. I want to be able to understand. I pray endlessly seeking for an answer. Maybe I need to be quite and just listen, I don't know. All I know is, it is not well with my soul and contentment is not in my heart. I hope God reveals His plan to me soon. Until then I will patiently wait and give thanks in this storm even though it is going to be difficult.

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